Couch

It was a sombre Saturday morning. Flipping through the channels endlessly had made his thumb sore. He gave a glance towards his right on the yellow corduroy cushions hoping to find a distraction; a piece of edible biscuit crumb or his mobile phone. But there were only an old receipt from previous night’s take out, a pen and a small rundown notepad with a few pages sticking out at odd ends.

He likes to thing that he has the capacity to be organized. In reality the last time he used this notepad was two months ago because Katy had left him and he wanted to take out his angry with words instead of with an outburst of unnecessary punches on his best friends.

Not having the energy to get up and scoop his mobile phone from the table four feet away, he grabbed the notepad and pen, swapped off the receipt from the and proceeded to lie down on the couch with his head supported by the armrest and a soft coushion of the same dirty yellow color.

He flipped through the pages trying to block his emotions and looking at his past self rationally.

“I could have really used some support at that time.” He thought, remembering how he decided to keep the details of his breakup a secret from everyone because he had felt embarrassed at the time thinking how he had failed in life.

He stopped at a page, coming across something that wasn’t written by him. Reading it made his heart rate race.

“Look under the couch.”

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Quitting or Starting afresh?

For the past few weeks I’ve been contemplating quitting my job and starting my own business.

Work is kind of interesting but there is alot of stress. I have reached a point where I don’t want to wake up and go to work. I want to escape it and start fresh.

I understand that the behavior of people around you can either be a source of energy for you or a sink of energy. Over time I have dealt with a few individuals whose collective bad experiences have drained my work energy. I don’t want it to affect me but it is. There are also a lot of small tensions that have merged together and have become another energy sink.

I think I am going back to my pattern. My one year pattern; as one year approaches I get so fed up of what I’m doing that I find all means to end it and start something new. This has happened at least two times now and if I quit this job it will be the third time I’ve quit something big.

It makes me think that I’m a quitter. But I feel absolutely drained and just want to put an end to the misery. Starting afresh seems like the only option that could relieve me of the mental burden.

The dirty floor of my shabby heart

How to be happy about your achievements instead of being anxious about what they entail.

Today was incredibly terrifying. It’s funny how the things you should be celebrating sometimes make you feel anxious instead of content.

You are anxious because you have learnt not to trust happiness; it is expensive.

But you should be content and realize that the path to somewhere better is always difficult. If you are facing hurdles, you should know that you will be rewarded for getting through them with grace.

Instead of getting stuck in the unknown and stressful, clear your head and start with the smallest possible step. One small step will rescue you from the dirty floor of your shabby heart and take you to a safer place.

The Bad Kind of Love

It’s funny how you remember down to the very last commas and fullstops in the list of cons he has that make him the wrong guy for you. Yet you still yern for his love, his attention, his presence. Mind vs heart.

It’s painful. But if you can get through the separation anxiety, you might just win yourself some future peace of mind and a leave from all the emotional misery you can clearly foresee from here.

The Paradox of a Trapped Heart

The feelings that make you skip towards the person at the far corner of your horizon, are not enough to break the barriers of your own mind. 

Your mind will create a dome; a forcefield of logic and reasoning, to keep you from reaching that person. 
All you can do is watch that person longingly from the confines of this transparent shield, never letting yourself escape this paradox created by your mind and heart. 

Day 10: 30 Day Exercise Challenge

Completed 10 days of the challenge! 1/3rd done and dusted!

Day 10:

50 HIGH KNEES

20 JUMPING JACKS

10 SQUATS

3 ELBOW PLANKS 15 seconds each